Adoption Fair

We are attending an adoption fair on November 14, 2009 with DSS in hopes of being matched with a child who is waiting for a forever family. We just got a notice in the mail this week and were so excited to sign up. On that Saturday we will go to the DSS office and meet with case workers who have open adoption cases of children who have not been matched with an adoptive family for whatever reason. We can pour over photos and talk with case workers about specific children who we may fit the profile for. I know if we are open I'm sure we'd be perfect parents for a special child somewhere. It's a little scary to think we could actually find a child that will be ours forever. I mean I'm not really scared, nervous would be a better description. Our life will certainly change! I mean when your pregnant you have time to prepare and with adoption, I won't get 9 months that's for sure! I know I've said this before, but WOW! It's been a year since we've done our adoption classes and almost a year since our homestudy has been completed and we've not received the first phone call about a child. We have also sent our file to the Spartanburg DSS office to be foster parents, with no calls. So...not sure what to think about this process right now.

On top of that we are still trying to get pregnant. I will go for IUI this month as soon as I'm ovulating. I've done all the right things, tracked my BBT, taken the crazy drugs and am waiting for the shot I will soon get to release all my eggs that I should be making. Trying to keep it as stress free as I can but there are days when I think am I crazy? Have I passed the point of having an infant in my life? I mean I LOVE to sleep late, go to bed early, watch a movie on the couch with my hubby and take off on a trip if we want. A baby will change all of that.

But there's also those moments, which are more than all the selfish ones, where I feel so empty. Like I'm missing out on a huge part of my life I should be experiencing. Perfect example...two Sunday's ago we were in church for our Sunday night body building class. We sit next to Frank & Laverne who were foster parents and adopted a little boy the had since he was 4 days old. Little J, now 5 is adorable and the light in their eyes and they are older than us. As the class was wrapping up talking about raising Christian families, all the kids came in to the sanctuary and there was a time dedicated for prayer for parents and their kids. Little J came to sit with his mom and dad and just before I bowed my head to pray with Jorge I looked around the room. It was filled with families with children and they were praying together. It was heart wrenching! I couldn't hold back the tears. I bawled like a baby and Laverne came over to pray with me and held me as I cried! Just typing it brings back the feelings all over again. She prayed I would know the feeling of little arms around my neck and that God would provide us a child. Just then I felt Little J's touch as he placed his little hand on mine and asked his mommy why this Lady was crying. Laverne told him I wanted a baby just like when God brough J to them. Then J did the sweetest thing. He prayed for me. He asked God to bring this nice Lady a baby so that I wouldn't cry anymore. Amazing! To hear a child pray must be one of the most beautiful sounds to the Lord's ear. I had never felt so blessed in all my days. I don't think I'll ever forget that and I know I will always ask my child to pray. I guess I should take my own advice and pray a lot more than I do now. I think I'll take my own advice right now!

Worry....

From Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Ain't that the truth! I always feel so anxious! I read that verse last night and realized I have to stop worrying! I worry about Chris wanting to stay home from school, not getting his work done. I worry he is too lazy and doesn't do the things he should. I worry about getting pregnant and letting my husband down. I worry abot Jose being sick. I worry about if Jorge will ever know how much I truely love him. I worry about being a foster parent. I worry about if I'll make a good mom. I worry about how I will ever be able to get up in the morning when a baby is crying or even get ourselves ready to tackle the day. I can't believe how much I worry about things, and then I worry about that! I worry about things out of my control. It's killing me and making me CRAZY! And I'm not even on fertility drugs yet this month!

Lord...I'm trying NOT to worry so can you please take it all away for me? I know you can do it! Thanks!

We're going forward with Foster Care

Okay so don't cringe when we say we're going to do Foster Care. It was a decision we both made and prayed over. Friends are asking us if we are ready to take the emotional risk involved and the answer is....I don't know! With taking on a task such as this there is always risk. The thing I constantly think about is the kids. They didn't sign up for any of this. The hurt they feel from parents who can't care for them or the abuse & neglect they may have suffered. All I know is God commands us to love one another. That's exactly what we have plenty of...Love. We are ALL God's children and adopted into HIS family. So why would we not want to help? Because we might get hurt in the process? Kinda selfish don't ya think?

Now...I am nervous as can be. I have NO idea what to expect, when we'll get a call or if we'll be able to adopt any of the children placed with us. This is where I am relying totally on God and having faith his plan will prevail...even if it is not what I want. I have a ton of questions for the case worker when they call us. Maybe I'll feel better once we've had a chance to talk to the case worker. Our file should be sent to the Spartanburg office this week according to our adoption case worker. (They are two different people.) We are on two lists now...one for foster care and one for foster/adopt. What's the difference you ask....

Foster Care is usually temporary and the whole idea is to reunify the parents with the child. That said there is a high risk we will only have a child for a short period of time. If the parent's can't get back on track then their parental rights may be terminated (TPR). If that's the case, we may have the opportunity to adopt that child.

Foster/Adopt is for kids who are going through TPR and the case worker is looking for an adoptive "forever family" for them. These kids are usually older and may have already been in foster care and have less risk involved. Often times the foster parents may choose to adopt them. So we feel it is in our best interest to do foster care in the hopes of a possible adoption down the road. This is a very slow process and it may be years before we ever get a call. Crazy I know.

I have no idea what plans the Lord has for us, but I choose to trust Him.

I have to admit I'm feeling a little anxious about the whole thing. Foster babies can come in the middle of the night, without warning and with nothing on their backs. So I'm trying to accumulate little things at a time like, bottles, wipes, diaper rash cream, etc instead of trying to buy all of that at one time. Can you imagine what that would cost? Whoa! Think about it...who gets a baby shower because they are fostering? Not that I expect that! We have sweet friends who have given us lots of clothes and goodies and we are so grateful! Pregnant mom's get 9mos to prepare. While I feel like we are way ahead of the game, I'm still nervous.

Please keep us in your prayers as we begin this journey to foster a child in need. Specifically pray for the children that come into our lives. They need your prayers most of all.