Adoption Fair

We are attending an adoption fair on November 14, 2009 with DSS in hopes of being matched with a child who is waiting for a forever family. We just got a notice in the mail this week and were so excited to sign up. On that Saturday we will go to the DSS office and meet with case workers who have open adoption cases of children who have not been matched with an adoptive family for whatever reason. We can pour over photos and talk with case workers about specific children who we may fit the profile for. I know if we are open I'm sure we'd be perfect parents for a special child somewhere. It's a little scary to think we could actually find a child that will be ours forever. I mean I'm not really scared, nervous would be a better description. Our life will certainly change! I mean when your pregnant you have time to prepare and with adoption, I won't get 9 months that's for sure! I know I've said this before, but WOW! It's been a year since we've done our adoption classes and almost a year since our homestudy has been completed and we've not received the first phone call about a child. We have also sent our file to the Spartanburg DSS office to be foster parents, with no calls. So...not sure what to think about this process right now.

On top of that we are still trying to get pregnant. I will go for IUI this month as soon as I'm ovulating. I've done all the right things, tracked my BBT, taken the crazy drugs and am waiting for the shot I will soon get to release all my eggs that I should be making. Trying to keep it as stress free as I can but there are days when I think am I crazy? Have I passed the point of having an infant in my life? I mean I LOVE to sleep late, go to bed early, watch a movie on the couch with my hubby and take off on a trip if we want. A baby will change all of that.

But there's also those moments, which are more than all the selfish ones, where I feel so empty. Like I'm missing out on a huge part of my life I should be experiencing. Perfect example...two Sunday's ago we were in church for our Sunday night body building class. We sit next to Frank & Laverne who were foster parents and adopted a little boy the had since he was 4 days old. Little J, now 5 is adorable and the light in their eyes and they are older than us. As the class was wrapping up talking about raising Christian families, all the kids came in to the sanctuary and there was a time dedicated for prayer for parents and their kids. Little J came to sit with his mom and dad and just before I bowed my head to pray with Jorge I looked around the room. It was filled with families with children and they were praying together. It was heart wrenching! I couldn't hold back the tears. I bawled like a baby and Laverne came over to pray with me and held me as I cried! Just typing it brings back the feelings all over again. She prayed I would know the feeling of little arms around my neck and that God would provide us a child. Just then I felt Little J's touch as he placed his little hand on mine and asked his mommy why this Lady was crying. Laverne told him I wanted a baby just like when God brough J to them. Then J did the sweetest thing. He prayed for me. He asked God to bring this nice Lady a baby so that I wouldn't cry anymore. Amazing! To hear a child pray must be one of the most beautiful sounds to the Lord's ear. I had never felt so blessed in all my days. I don't think I'll ever forget that and I know I will always ask my child to pray. I guess I should take my own advice and pray a lot more than I do now. I think I'll take my own advice right now!