I'm Clear! We're one Step Closer!

Not that it wouldn't come back clean, but I got a phone call from DSS letting me know they FINALLY got the background check back from KY and it was all clear! DUH! I could have told them that. But I guess somehow my word just wasn't good enough. That's okay...they are giving me a baby so I guess I can't be too picky! That call made my day! We're one step closer to being parents.

I was feeling so low yesterday about it all. I mean, I see friends, relatives and general public taking care of their kids, laughing with them, posting pics on facebook and I wonder "Why not me Lord?" Why can't I share in this kind of joy? Am I not supposed to have a family and little ones calling me mom? Did I do something to warrant not being able to have kids? I just don't understand. It's not that I'm mad at God or love him any less...I just don't understand! We never know what God has planned only that he has one. I've always said there is no way God would give me this much love in my heart for a child and then not give me one! He wouldn't let me heart ache for something he will never provide. I don't worry about whether or not he will provide because I know he will. It just feels like each day I get older and think when will it happen? Everyone says in God's time. I know that, but it just doesn't comfort me very much. I pray about it and so does Jorge.

Now we are just waiting to be matched with a baby who needs a forever family! We can't wait! Our official letter came to the house on the 26th! Please pray for the child who will come our way. Since we are going through DSS most all of the children have been abused or deglected. I pray for this child each day!

Background Check

So I called on Friday to see where we were with the return of my background check only for DSS to say...they too are waiting on Kentucky to answer the background check. So...more waiting. At least when I called, they remembered who I was and that this was the only thing they were waiting on. That sounded promising! At least we're not some unknown name at the bottom of a stack of files. The supervisor remembered my name and that we were waiting on the background check. A huge sigh of relief came over me. A friend told me that once the baby is put in my arms, all the frustration and stress of waiting will go away...can't wait for that day!

The DSS face!

Last night I ran into a couple at our church who have been foster parents and have adopted a little boy through DSS. She asked me how it was going and then said, "Oh I know that face! It's the DSS face! I know it all too well!" I guess my frustration was difficult to hide. I immediately let her know about our last phone call to the DSS office and how our file hadn't been read only to get a follow up letter in the mail saying they needed me to sign a consent to release info from the state of Kentucky. Um.....Helloooooo! We turned in our paperwork like back in November! Couldn't someone have gone through it and said we needed that? Ugh! In any case I have the signed form and will be taking it down the DSS office personally today. It is just up the street from my office. I guess I would not be so frustrated if I hadn't heard another couple in our class has already been approved and are waiting for their match with a child. Our friends told us to keep on the pressure and not be too willing to sit back and wait! Remember the squeeky wheel gets the grease. So I'm gonna squeek! There are children waiting and so are we, so now it's up to DSS to bring us together.

At some point I had to stop myself and say, Okay...it is all in God's timing and His timing is perfect! There is a much larger master plan involved here and I am simply going to have to wait. I can't say I'll wait patiently, but I will wait and most importantly be faithful and believe that one day we will have an addition to our family. But I've always been told God help's those who help themselves. So maybe our determination mixed with God's plan will yeild results. I know God does not need any of my help, but He made me the person I am in making me strong willed so I will use His gifts to help our cause.

One thing that is always in the back of my mind is to remember we are not dealing with a private adoption costing thousands of dollars. We don't have a team of people representing us searching for us a child. We are working with a government agency that is trying to look out for the best interest of a child. They are more than likely drowning in paperwork, understaffed, underpaid and know all the horrible things that happen to kids. So....I will cut some slack in this regards. They are after all going to give me a child, forever! I can be nice and sweet and kind, but persistant. God never promises the journey will be easy...just worth it!