Good News didn't feel so good!

Well I had my surgery last week. For never having surgery, other than my tonsils taken out at 4 and wisdom teeth at 18, I thought I would be more nervous. Piece of cake. Besides, I don't remember a thing other than the aweful stuff I had to drink the night before! That stuff should be illegal. Anyway...I woke up from surgery to my sweet husband waiting for me. I asked him what the doctor said and Jorge tells me,"You're perfectly healthy! No endometriosis, no scarring, nothing! Isn't that great?" My reply..."What?" followed by a flood of tears. While the news was good, it didn't explain why we haven't got pregnant. Now my mind is racing as to the next step. Where do I go from here. Should Jorge be tested again? I mean I had totally convinced myself something was wrong with me. This had to be the answer. NOT! With a textbook procedure and nothing wrong, I should be happy, right?

Jorge took me home, put me in bed and I slept. He waited on me hand and foot. Friends from church made us dinner that night to help out. What a sweet groups of folks we have from our Sunday school at AMRBC. They loved the potato soup so much I had to beg them to leave me at least a bowl. I guess the kids took pity on me and left me some becuase it was delicious. As I began to heal I began to fall apart emotionally. I snapped at my husband and mom and just felt so cheated! A sweet friend gave me a prayer to say, "Lord I don't know what you have in store for me, but I choose to trust you!" I must say this a thousand times a day. Everytime I think about a baby, adoption, foster care or IVF, I say this to God and lean on Him. But it's hard. We want to control everything in our lives and this is no different. My friend also said to look for God speaking to me through others around me. Low and behold Sunday came, my birthday, and the sermon was how God takes us to desolate places so we MUST lean on him and no other for only He can satisfy us. How true and how much I needed to hear this message to ease my soul and really TRUST God. My hunger and thirst for him is greather than it's ever been. I am drawing closer to my heavenly father who will satisfy my every need, even if that means I never have a child. I realize that may not be God's plan for me. As hard as that is to swallow, it's the truth.

So now I'm back to work, distracted with the daily things of life and at least feel like I'm finding peace through prayers and the word of God. He is so good!

Surgery Next Week

Okay I'm having a Laporoscopy next week to check for Endomitriosis. I probably have it, but not sure until my doc gets in there to poke around. She is also doing two other proceedures while she's there. Like a buy one get one free thing! I told the doc yesterday I was actually excited to be having the surgery. That threw her for a loop. I'm not really excited about having surgery, outpaitient or not, but excited to hopefully find an answer as to why we haven't been able to get pregnant. As I turn 39 this year it seems like that biological clock is more like a gong going off in my head! This proceedure may not tell us anything at all. I may not have endo, but there is a strong chance. Even if I have it AND they can clear it out there is no guarantee I'll get pregnant. At this moment I am just praying. Praying for understanding in why this is God's plan for me. Why it's so difficult for some to have a baby and so easy for others. So for those of you who pray...add me to your list. Surgery is Tuesday September 15, 2009 at 1:30 pm. I'll be home the remainder of the week and can go back to work on Monday. I feel a closet clean out coming on.

Jose is leaving December 29th for basic training in Ft. Lenoard Wood in Missorri. I can't believe he's going. So I am planning a fabulous party for him in December. Nothing too outrageous but special. I am also working on a special gift for him.

Everyone is doing great and we are planning a trip to NYC in October. Next week while I'm laying around "recooperating" I plan on researching every cheesy toursity thing there is to do in NY. I know we won't have time to do EVERYTHING, but I want to hit the highlights like the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Empire State Building, Tiffany's (hello!) and Rockerfella Plaza. We haven't been up there for two years so it's time to go. If I don't get to do any of these things, it will be great just to spend time with family. I miss all my NY Rican's!

Well....I have a lot to do before I am off next week and I better get to it. Love to all.